


Finding the Lost Girl

by gallifreyslostson



Series: The Lost Girl [3]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-26
Updated: 2014-02-26
Packaged: 2018-01-13 20:25:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1239676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gallifreyslostson/pseuds/gallifreyslostson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose fought her way back to him, but he knows that things don't always go the way he wants. Is it possible that the universe will finally give him something back? Rewrite of the end of Journey's End, leading into an alternate sequel to Letters to the Lost Girl. One-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding the Lost Girl

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate ending to Journey's End, assumes (obviously) that the last letter was never written.

The Doctor grinned as he oversaw his group of amazing friends flying his TARDIS.  He was still riding an adrenaline high and trying to process the fact that they were all still alive, towing the Earth back to its rightful place in the sky.

True, Jack had died…a couple of times…but that was hardly even worth noting.

He glanced at Donna, and felt pride anew when he considered how well the “supertemp” had remembered her flying lessons well enough to save the TARDIS at the last moment.  She had trouble getting it back to him, but when she had, it had provided just the distraction Jack had needed to jump Davros and deactivate the holding cells.  He’d been shot, but had come to just as the Doctor was ushering everyone into the safety of the TARDIS.

The Doctor felt the grin slip as he considered the grim decision he’d made to wipe out the Daleks.  He had committed genocide…again.  Once again, he had wiped out a race because to let them live would cause the destruction of everything else.  He was so tired of being forced into a position of murderer or accessory to murder.

He felt eyes on him, and looked up to find Rose watching him with a look of such acceptance and understanding that it took his breathe away.  He didn’t deserve either of those from anyone, much less her.

He shook himself and focused on the task at hand, reaching in and disconnecting from Mister Smith, Sarah Jane’s supercomputer, as Earth settled in its orbit once more.  He smiled again as a cheer broke out among the crew, happily receiving hugs from everyone.  When Rose hugged him, he kept his arm around her waist and held a hand to her cheek for a moment.  She nuzzled into it, then smiled before moving away, but keeping a hold of his hand, as he steered the TARDIS to drop off friends in London.

Sarah Jane, Martha, and Jack piled out as the TARDIS landed in a park.  The girls loitered for a moment as the Doctor grabbed Jack’s arm, tapping the captain’s vortex manipulator with his sonic screwdriver.

“I told you,” he growled, “no teleport.”  He released Jack’s arm, pointedly ignoring the pout Jack gave him.  “And Martha, get rid of that Osterhagen thing, eh? Save the world one more time.”

“Consider it done,” she said with a smile.  He lazily returned the salute Martha and Jack gave them.  He turned when he heard someone else come out of the TARDIS. “Oi, where are you going?”

“Well, I'm not stupid,” said Mickey, who the Doctor was happy to find was not much of an idiot anymore.  “I can work out what happens next. And hey, I had a good time in that parallel world, but my gran passed away. Nice and peaceful. She spent her last years living in a mansion. There's nothing there for me now, certainly not Rose.”

“What will you do?” the Doctor asked, neatly side-stepping his implications.

“Anything,” Mickey laughed.  “Brand new life. Just you watch. See you, boss,” he added, embracing the Doctor, before running after Jack and Martha.  Hmm.  Might be another Smith and Jones team before too long, if those looks could be interpreted correctly.

The Doctor shook his head before turning to Sarah Jane.  They grinned at each other.

“Maybe next time you can visit _before_ the universe is threatened,” she said with a laugh.

“Yeah, yeah, maybe,” he said, tugging on his ear.  “It’d be nice if the universe could just stay saved long enough for a holiday once in a while.”

“Maybe one day,” she responded.  Then she looked at him seriously.  “You know, you act like such a lonely man. But look at you. You've got the biggest family on Earth.”  She glanced at the TARDIS.  “And…there’s Rose.”

The Doctor took a deep breath.  “I’m not really sure…I don’t know what to do now.”

“Don’t you dare send her back,” Sarah Jane said fiercely.  “Don’t you dare.  That girl…she risked everything for you.  And you need her.  More than you needed…more than I’ve ever seen you need anyone.”

“But how can I keep her with me and watch her…wither away in front of me?”

“You make every minute count, Doctor,” she said gently.  “You be thankful for every minute, and you make each one count.”

He nodded slowly, then pulled her into a tight hug.  “You’re brilliant, Sarah Jane.”

She laughed and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before pulling away suddenly.  “Oh! Got to go. He's only fourteen. It's a long story. And thank you!”  She waved one last time before jogging away to find her son.

The Doctor took a deep breath.  One stop left.  This wasn’t going to be easy, no matter how it turned out.

oOoOo

The TARDIS materialized in Bad Wolf Bay, Norway.  Jackie and Rose stepped out, followed slowly by the Doctor.  This was his moment of truth.  He watched Rose carefully as she looked around.

“Oh, fat lot of good this is,” Jackie whined.  “Back of beyond. Bloody Norway! I'm going to have to phone your father. He's on the nursery run. I was pregnant, do you remember? Had a baby boy.”

“Oh, brilliant,” the Doctor said genuinely.  “What did you call him?”

“Doctor.”

The Doctor stared at her.  “Really?”

“No, you plum,” Jackie said with a grin.  “He's called Tony.”

“Hold on,” Rose broke in.  “This is the parallel universe, right?

“You're back home,” the Doctor replied carefully.  “The walls of the world are closing again, now that the Reality Bomb never happened. It's dimensional retroclosure.”

“No, but I spent all that time trying to find you,” Rose said, looking stricken.  “I'm not going back now.”

“Rose…” The Doctor paused, taking a deep breath.  “You need to think about this.  You have a job, and a family, a brand new baby brother…you have a life here.  One that you could never come back to if you come with me.”

“Doctor, I could give you a list of the worst days of my life,” Rose said quietly.  “The one thing they all have in common is losing you.  I’m not doing that again.”

“Rose…”

“No, Doctor,” she continued, standing squarely in front of him.  “I told you before that I made my decision a long time ago, and I’m never leaving you…not while I have a choice.  As for my life here…my life here has been about finding a way back to you.  I’ve already said my goodbyes.”

The Doctor looked at her intently for a moment.  This was everything he wanted.  Well, nearly.  What he wanted was for her to live as long as he did, but that simply wasn’t in the cards for his little pink and yellow girl.  But this was as close as he could possibly get to what he wanted…what he needed.

He thought briefly about the stack of letters in a drawer in his bedroom.  They had been the only way of communicating with her, the only way of staving off some of the more severe panic attacks he’d endured while she’d been gone.

“Unless…” Rose suddenly looked uncertain.  He’d been quiet too long.  “Unless you don’t really want me there,” Rose whispered.

“Rose Tyler,” he said finally, “there is nothing in any universe I want more.”

She grinned widely, that special grin she had where her teeth poked out just a bit from her teeth, and his heart melted just a little bit before she leapt on him, hugging him fiercely.  Before he could hug her back, she surprised him by pulling back and kissing him hard on the mouth.  He froze for an instant, then melted into her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close.  He ran his tongue over her lips, and groaned slightly as her lips parted and he deepened the kiss.

The TARDIS gave a warning hum at the same time Jackie made an irritated noise.  Rose broke the kiss gently, and he watched her, dazed, as she turned to her mother.

“I’m sorry, Mum,” she said quickly.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Jackie said a little sadly.  “Don’t be sorry.  I want my little girl here, sure, but you’re not a little girl anymore.  You love him.  I just want you to be happy.”  She touched Rose’s cheek briefly before rounding on the Doctor.  “As for you, Doctor, I expect you to keep her safe…safe as you can, anyway,” she added, cutting another look at Rose, who had the decency to look a little sheepish.  “And you remember that she’s choosing you.  Don’t you dare break her heart, or you’ll have me to deal with, sealed off whatsits or no.”

“Jackie, I will do everything in my power to keep Rose safe,” he told her earnestly.  “I promise you that.”

Jackie nodded, and the TARDIS hummed again.  Rose gave Jackie a quick hug and made her promise to tell her little brother about her.  The she took the Doctor’s hand and pulled him into the TARDIS.

He rushed to the controls and pulled the TARDIS out of Pete’s world and into the vortex in his.

Donna popped out of the corridor as the TARDIS stabilized.  The crack was already closing between the worlds, so the journey had been rougher than he planned.

“Oh, thank god,” Donna said when she saw Rose standing next to him in the console room.  “I thought it was going to be the Racnoss all over again.”

“Racnoss?”  Rose looked confused, but then her face grew concerned.  “I’m sorry, Donna, I hope you don’t mind me being here too.”

“Are you kidding?” Donna ran up and gave her a hug.  “It’ll be lovely to have someone else on board to keep him in line, especially you.”

“ _Donna._ ”  The Doctor shot her a warning glance.  He didn’t need Rose to know how dark times had been…not yet, anyway.

“Oh relax, spaceman,” Donna said, barely glancing at him.  “I’m not going to say anything that she doesn’t already know.  But I really am glad you’re here, Rose, as long as you don’t mind me tagging along.”

“Donna Noble,” Rose said with a grin, “I would love nothing more.”

oOoOo

Hours later, after a happy dinner filled with stories and laughter, Donna had retired to her room.  The Doctor found Rose in the library, curled up in their favorite chair, staring at the fire.  The Doctor hesitated for a moment, unsure.

“C’mon, then,” she said.  He moved towards her, and she scooted over just enough to give him room before cuddling into him.

For a long while, he just held her.  They sat in a comfortable silence, the most comfortable silence he’d had since Canary Wharf.  He was content, for the moment, just to feel her against him, reassuring him every minute that she was real.

“Doctor,” Rose said quietly after a while.

“Hmm?”

“How was that sentence going to end?”

The Doctor, who had been stroking her back, froze.  He knew exactly what she was talking about, but right here, right now, he couldn’t bring himself to answer her.  He chanced a look down at her, and saw her hazel eyes looking up at him in a way he could swear went straight to his soul.

He ran a hand through his hair.  He knew he owed her this…but he just couldn’t.  Even that…didn’t seem like enough.  Not now.

“I have something to show you,” he said finally.  He managed to break away from her gaze, and shifted her off him before striding out of the room.

He opened the drawer in his bedroom and stared at the stack of letters.  They were hers, they had been written to her, she deserved to see them.  He was still reluctant to give them to her, knowing how much of him was actually written in those pages.  How much he had left himself open simply because he was sure she’d never see them.

He grabbed the papers and, forcing himself not to think about the actions, walked quickly back the library, noting that it was suddenly far closer than it had been.  Evidently, the TARDIS wanted this done before he had a chance to change his mind.

Rose looked up when he walked back into the library, and he thrust the sheaf of papers at her.  She took them hesitantly, a million questions in her eyes.

“Just read it,” he said wearily, sinking into a sofa a little ways away from her.  He could feel her watching him for a moment before turning to the letters.  He sat quietly, leaning on his knees while she read the letters.  He knew he should probably leave her in peace to read them on her own, but he just couldn’t bring himself to be away from her for any longer than necessary.  It had been too long.  He needed to feel her presence close to him.

He heard her gasp a time or two, even laugh once or twice.  He definitely heard tears.  He kept his head bowed, gaze focused on the fire.

Finally, after what felt like a millennia but was really about half an hour, he stopped hearing pages turning.  “All of time and space,” he heard her say softly, “and this is how you spent your time.”

He closed his eyes, swallowed, and took a few deep breaths before answering her.  “It was all I had,” he whispered finally.

“Oh, Doctor…” He heard a rustle of movement, and suddenly she was in kneeling in front of him.  “On the worst day of my life, I stood on a deserted beach and told a ghost that I loved him.  He said my name, and then he was gone.”  She leaned down, forcing him to look at her.  “Doctor, how was that sentence going to end?”

“Does it need to be said?”  His voice was bleak.

“ _Yes_ , Doctor,” she responded firmly.  “We’ve both waited long enough.  It needs to be said.”

He held her gaze, emotions crashing through him.  He had never left himself as vulnerable with a companion as she was asking him to be.  He’d never been in a position to be.  But if he was honest with himself…Rose Tyler had never been just a companion.  She had always been so, so much more.  From the first time he took her hand, she had been everything.

“Rose Tyler,” he said softly, bringing a hand up to caress her cheek.  “I’ve loved you from the moment I first said ‘Run’.”

He gazed into her eyes for a moment, those eyes that had held his whole universe for so long, before slowly lowering his head to kiss her gently.  He slid off the sofa to pull her into his lap, tired of the space between them.  She nipped lightly at his lower lip, and he let out a small growl before deepening the kiss, finally allowing himself to take everything that she had always been offering, and offering up himself in return.

They pulled away after a long moment, both breathless.  He leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, overwhelmed by how much this girl had come to mean to him, how much she still did after years apart.

“Say it again, Doctor,” Rose said softly.

“I love you, Rose Tyler.”  Her name rolled off his tongue, and he chuckled as she shivered.

“You want me here…even if it means watching me wither and die.”

The Doctor frowned.  “You know, Rose, your seduction methods need work.”

“Tell me about it,” she said wryly.  “Took me almost five years just to get you to kiss me.” 

He chuckled as she rolled her eyes at him, then leaned forward and gave her a brief kiss.  “Yeah, that’s well and truly over.”

She smiled at him, but sobered quickly.  “Seriously, though, Doctor, what’s going to happen?”

He looked up at her.  She was obviously serious, apropos or not.  He sighed and thought quickly before answering.  “A very smart woman told me that I should make every minute with you count.  That’s what I plan to do.”

“What about regeneration?  You said in your letters, if you regenerate—“

“That was when I didn’t think I’d see you again,” he cut in.  “You stole my hearts back when I was all leather and big ears.  I certainly didn’t get them back in this form.  Actually…”

“What?”

“This form might be completely your fault,” he said, considering.  “You did have a thing for the pretty boys,” he added with an eyebrow waggle that made her giggle.

“God, you are never going to let me live that down are you?”  She smiled at him fondly, but he could still see a shadow in her eyes.

“Rose,” he said softly, encouraging her to get out whatever it was now.

“What would you do if I died?”

He sighed.  Apparently, this was not going to be deferred lightly.  “I would…hang on, ‘if’?”

“When,” she corrected, looking away.

He looked at her suspiciously.  “I will go on, grateful for the time I got to spend with you, and always remembering you.  You dying of old age…I can handle much better than having you ripped away from me.”

“You promise?”  She looked at him intently.  “You love me, human and all, and you’ll go on if anything happens to me?”

“I…I promise,” he said, thinking of the many things that could still take her from him, but pushing them away just as hurriedly.  “Rose, what is this about?”

“I just…” she said, hesitating.  She took a deep breath.  “Those letters…”

“Yes…?”

“You wrote them to me, thinking of me, needing me, loving me, regardless of the fact that you’d never see me again, regardless of the fact that if I _had_ been able to stay, I would die before you.”

“Well, yes.”  He could see that there was something else on her mind, but she seemed intent on this particular declaration.  “Rose, human or not, you changed me.  You healed me, and made me into something better than I was, than I ever thought I could be.  Without you…I’m lost.”  He scrubbed a hand down his face.  “I can’t pretend that I’m going to be alright when someday, years from now, I lose you to time.  But I can tell you that I would gladly take that pain if it means that I can have you now.”

She looked into his eyes intently, obviously searching for something.  After a moment, she nodded.  “I may have some good news for you, then.”

“Rose, you’re here; I have been thoroughly snogged by the love of my life, and very soon I am going to take said love to a much more private place and live out two—or maybe three—different fantasies that I’ve had for a very long time.” the Doctor said.  “What could possibly top that?”

“You might…not…have to outlive me,” she said slowly.

The Doctor stiffened.  “Don’t…don’t do that,” he said, after a moment.  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.  Not now.  I’m not letting you risk anything for that, whatever you’re thinking of.  Don’t do this.”

“It’s nothing like that,” Rose assured him quickly.  “I’m not setting myself up for some mad experiment or anything.”

“Then what are you talking about?”  The Doctor sat straighter, all the comfortable laziness of the previous moment gone.

“Bad Wolf,” she responded, simply.

“That’s gone.”

“Not so much.”  Rose kneeled next to him and bit her lip.  “Something is still there,” she continued.  “We found it when I got shot at Torchwood.  It should have been life threatening, but it started to heal before they were even able to get me to headquarters.  We ran…every test we could think of.  Including several alien ones,” she said quickly when his eyes moved to the door.  She knew he wanted to immediately take her to the med bay, but she already knew what he’d find.  “My cells are regenerating at a spectacular rate.  I don’t think I’m like Jack,” she couldn’t help wincing at the name.  What she’d put Jack through was terrible.  “I mean, I think I _can_ die, if I get shot in the head or something like that, and I assume that one day I’ll die simply from living too long.  It’s just going to take a very, very long time.”

She bit her lip again as she watched emotions war with each other on his face.  A wave of uncertainty passed through her, making her wonder if he was banking on her human life span when he’d said he loved her.  Maybe he was only willing to admit that knowing that she wouldn’t last as long as him.

The Doctor felt like his mind was on fire.  He was terrified at the ramifications of Bad Wolf, because he had no idea what the long term effects on her body or mind would be.  He was furious with himself for not having done medical scans on her after the GameStation to make sure she was alright.  And he felt guilty because those concerns were not in any way his biggest reaction.  Most of him was filled with a hope he’d never thought possible, hope that not only could he have his Rose back, home in the TARDIS where she should be, but that he wouldn’t have to live without her either.

He glanced at the stack of letters that still rested on the arm of the chair she’d been sitting in.  He remembered sharply the pain he’d been in when he’d written them, the overpowering waves of grief, anguish and guilt.  He tried to imagine a life without that black cloud following him around…the image came to mind with frightening ease.  Without another thought, he reached for her, crushing her to him.  He held her in a vice like grip, even as he could feel his whole body shaking with emotion.  He leaned down slowly and whispered in her ear the only thing he could give her that could in any way match what she was giving him.  He pulled away just far enough to cover her mouth with his again.

Rose didn’t pull away until her lungs were burning, and even then made a little regretful noise.  He chuckled breathlessly.

“Doctor.”  He saw the thoughtful scowl on Rose’s face.  “What you said…what was that?”

“My name,” he whispered.

“But…in your letters…”  He merely nodded.  “What does that mean?”

“It means…” He took a deep breath, and then grinned at her.  “It means we are going to be together for a very long time.”

“You still want me?  Even if I’m not…entirely…human?”

“Rose, you’re asking if I still want you knowing that I don’t have to live without you,” the Doctor said, pulling her close.  “After the last few years, I can tell you quite honestly that there is nothing else that could make me happier.”  He kissed her softly.  “Mind you, I’m still running every test at my vast disposal…tomorrow,” he added with a grin, getting to his feet and pulling her with him.  “Right now…I do believe I mentioned fantasies…”

“The Doctor and Rose Tyler in the TARDIS?” she asked, laughing.

“Oh yes,” he said with a wicked grin, pulling her to the door.  “Just as it should be.”

 

 


End file.
